It's one of those emotions that is so complex it's truly hard for me to wrap my head around it. We use the word to describe food..."I love ice cream" to describe affection toward others... "I love my daughter." I realize that there are different kinds of love, but it is something I have had difficulty with for as long as I can remember.
I have struggled with the lies that I am unlovable for many years. It all started when I was a little heavier than I had wanted to be in junior high and high school. Kids are stupid....One boy kept telling me that Jenny was looking for me. He just kept repeating it over and over until I finally said, "who is Jenny?" His answer...."Jenny Craig" I was so hurt. I have battled with my weight ever since. All because of one thoughtless comment from a 12 year old. I feel like I never like what I see in the mirror.
Maybe it is being the "baby" in the family that has aided in my hunger for attention. I don't know if I show that or not. I know I can be loud sometimes, but I think a lot of times, I just sit back and observe other people. (That's the psychology gal in me, I can sit and watch people interact with each other for hours.)
Relationships are probably the most important part of my being. I NEED them. I hunger for people to call me, email me etc...When Emily says "ma-ma" it is the most satisfying word. She needs me, she wants me. It's in that moment, that I realize she needs attention too. She's in this habit now of sitting in our laps---it's adorable. It's also then that I realize she needs affection....she needs love.
Love....
It's what the world needs. I am just one person so desperate for love, for affection, for fellowship with other people. I think God created that need in me and I don't think I am alone. We all hurt in some way or another and we need one another.
I know I fall short in showing love to my family let alone to strangers.....but it is my quest to show people God's love. His love isn't restricting. He doesn't care if I am skinny or fat, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, loved or unloved----He loves me for me. Shouldn't we love people the same way?
8 comments:
Well said Jennifer! Thanks for sharing those thoughts and feelings. It's not always easy to say what you did.
really great post, jen.
Thank you for sharing your heart Jen... It's beautiful.
I love you Jennifer. I love your cute family and I love the kind of parents you are to Emily. I love that our kids are growing up know and loving one another.
So well said Jen!
i just love reading your thoughtful posts...i always feel as if i'm reading a famous author, one that i can't wait to open the new novel and see what is going to be written next, a new adventure, a new poem, a new story to laugh or cry at. jenn, you have a talent!! and you are so LOVED! thanks for sharing your heart, your passion...you are beautiful inside & out. God is evident in your life! love, jess
Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing!!
I love you sis.
Post a Comment