Just a phase?

When I was a little girl I used to love journaling. I had some great entries about boys, what I wanted to be in when I grew up, family stuff, etc...As I got older, the desire to journal out my thoughts because even more intense. I found that it was a way for me to get my deepest thoughts out on paper--although scary and incredibly vulnerable--I found that it was a lifeline for me.

In blogging, I'm not very consistent anymore. Working full-time and being a mom to two little tykes will do that to you, but I do this for them....for me....so that when they ask about this or that, I will hopefully have a great read for them on it.

I really don't like to share anything that would embarrass them later, so I try to steer from those things, but in the earlier confession, sometimes I feel like journaling is part of my journey and well, here it goes...

When Kinley was born, I could tell from the very beginning that she was different from Emily. She joined our family three weeks early, she was kicked out of the hospital nursery in our first night because she wouldn't stop screaming and the screaming continued for several weeks with colic. She wasn't a great napper and we found it difficult to make her happy. As she grew up and the colic began to fade, we found that there was actually a fun-loving girl in there. She loved to laugh and smile. She's our social bug. She'll wave hello and goodbye to people she doesn't even know. She typically adjusts to new environments easily.

Emily's temperament is pretty much completely different than what I just wrote about Kinley. For the most part they get along, but there is definitely sibling rivalry present each and every day and I'm constantly pulling them away from one another. Sending them to time outs more than I want to, but know I need to in order to stay consistent with them.

Kinley's verbal communication is increasing every day and it is fascinating to hear her talk, but for the times she doesn't have the words--OH MY GOODNESS--I don't even know how to describe how terrible her screams and body thrashing onto the floor are. Her screams typically encourage Emily to disobey because she can't possibly have the attention off of her. I'm having such a hard time with them right now. I'm exhausted. Work is more than consuming me throughout the day and I have visions of coming home to a peaceful afternoon spending time snuggling my girls, but that is far from our routine right now. They fight, they scream and they each call out for mommy to prove their innocence in whatever the latest disagreement was over. People keep telling me this is just a phase, but I work at a high school and I'm starting to wonder if these phases actually ever end. I'm embarrassed in front of friends frequently because in doing anything with anyone, MY KIDS are the ones to fall apart EVERY time. I swear I'm doing everything I can that I think is right, but why do I feel like I am such a failure?

The frustrating part is they are perfect angels when we aren't around. I get nothing but praise reports from daycare, grandparents, sitters etc...I guess Brian and I are the lucky ones.

In my prior journaling experience, I loved when I would re-read older entries and found that I was no longer struggling with xyz, so here's to looking back at this entry one day and smiling that we have moved past it.

Farm Day!

This past weekend we took the girls to a local farm for a cookout tour. We all got an opportunity to visit their garden and pick our own vegetables for lunch. It was such a great experience for the girls because I'm not sure that they really understood that vegetables grow before they show up at the grocery store. Although Emily was VERY excited to pick all of the vegetables, she still stuck to her favorite--carrots. In fact, when she woke up from her nap that day she even asked for more carrots! YES!

We had a great day. Grandma, Papa and Lexi joined us in the fun. Definitely a day we won't forget!

Picking bell peppers

Picking Japanese turnips

Picked kale

Kinley being a ham

The girls running around with their yellow watermelon. They had great distractions for the kids including bubbles and my girls loved that!!

Emily, Kinley and Lexi as watermelon seeds...

Movie Night

We went to Palm Desert with The Parlas this summer. It was fun for the adults and for the kids because we all had someone our age to hang out with. We did our best to beat the heat and so for one of the nights we decided on a movie night. We took the kids to the store to pick out a special food item and then brought them back to the hotel to watch a movie. They loved it.

Fourth of July

I love the community that we live in. For just about every major holiday, they throw some kind of festival, but the 4th of July is my absolute favorite. It's an all day event. They have 1k, 5k and 10k races in the morning, pancake breakfast, parade, games, booths, food, live music and FIREWORKS. They do not mess around with the fireworks. It's a good 20 minute show with "bombs bursting in air" right over your head. It is truly amazing to watch. This year was the first year that Emily loved any kind of fireworks. She had so much fun. In fact, yesterday as I was taking a morning walk with them she asked to see them again as we passed the giant lawn that they were displayed from.

Here are just a few photos from the day:

Oh, say can you see? This girl is adorable.

Emily's first gum experience---the parade participants threw candy and gum out to the kiddos.

Emily and Ella enjoying the candy...

My parents came out in the evening for the experience. I'm pretty sure they did not leave disappointed! My kids loved having them there too.

Waiting for the fireworks with their glow in the dark necklaces.

Kinley--17 Months

Kinley is interested in just about everything that she is around. As the younger sister, she tries hard to keep up with the "big" kid activities. She's certainly more of a thrill seeker than Emily was and she keeps us on our toes.

She's my snuggle bug. She will often stop what she's playing with, come over and give me a hug and go back to what she's playing.

She seems to loves music. She often grabs the harmonica and plays it (better than I do), drums and guitar. She picks up the rhythm of songs quickly and tries to sing along. Her current favorites are the ABC song, the Handy Manny toolbox toy song and the Strawberry shortcake toy song.

Kinley will run across the room, throw her body onto the couch and then say, "owie."

She calls Emily "Ah-me"

She frequently pats our head and says "duh, duh, goo" and runs away....yes, she's playing duck duck goose. A game she must have picked up while at daycare because we have never played it at home....until now, now it's a daily occurrence.

She loves windows. She wants the window down in the car as often as possible. She loves to look out the window and motions for me to open the blinds. She loves our neighbor James and since he is often playing outside, she'll look for him and start calling out his name, which sounds more like "jehms" When she finally sees him she smiles and claps.

She also says Mama (mommy), Dada (daddy), Grandma and Papa (she said Papa for the first time today when he came to take care of them while I got away to the doctor).

In the food category, Kinley says banana, yogurt, yogurt drink, bar, cheese, strawberries, blueberries, cracker, bread, agua, leche, tofu, chips

Misc: she says cloud, chair, car, ball, book, balloon, mickey, minnie, goofy, donald duck, manny, bye bye, help, trash, sissy, helmet, please, diaper, poo-poo, pee-pee (maybe time to potty train), hello, dog

As I write this I feel like I'm forgetting some more commonly used words. There are new words coming up every day. She's definitely a parrot and will try to say anything we say. It's certainly a lot of fun. I look forward to more direct communication because we're definitely still going through a lot of scream fests. I know it's gotta be just as frustrating for her as it is for us.

I am Mom

I wake up to either the sound of Kinley whimpering because she wants out of her bed or the sound of Emily trying to be quiet as she exits their bedroom in the morning (either will happen between 5:30-6:30 am)

I am able to decipher what Kinley's pointing finger means when aimed at the refrigerator or pantry

I frequently sit on the floor playing with Strawberry Shortcake, puzzles or reading books

If I sit on the floor, chances are Kinley's little rear end will start backing up toward my lap

I know the different sounds of cries---the fake ones for consoling to the loud ones needing immediate attention

I have tiny little holes in the mid-section of just about every shirt I own from holding one or both of my girls

I will either have chalk, food, snot or dirt on me at some point of the day

I tear up when Emily breaks out of her shell and does something she fears

They crack me up when I hear things like, "Oh Kinley, you look so pretty today" (My best guess is because I dressed Kinley in a skirt rather than jeans, although, I admit, she did look quite pretty.)

My heart has two sets of legs and currently rest on a 3 yr old and 17 month old...they are getting so big.

I am content. I am Mom.

It's going to be a good summer