Living in South Orange County sure doesn't help matters. Now, I find I want the best house, the best car, the best clothes. It goes without saying that I fall short there too. I'm almost embarrassed to bring people to my house because it's just a bit smaller than most of my friends places. It doesn't have a front yard or back yard. Heck, it doesn't even have a porch! I get concerned about how other people will react if I ask them for dinner. Are they thinking in the back of their minds that my house is too small for them to entertain the thought of coming over? I can't host thanksgiving or Christmas unless we all eat in the garage. I feel like I'm somewhat lacking as a family member if I can't do that kind of thing for my family.
Don't even get me started on the scale. I don't know what is up with my body since having a second baby. I go way down on the scales and then it comes way up. So, then it starts the insecure cycle and I feel unattractive etc...
The other night we were at church and it came time for the communion meditation. The pastor asked if any of us were feeling lonely, broken, hurt, betrayed etc... he looked at the piece of bread that he had in his hand and reminded us that the bread was a symbol of the body of Christ. It was a reminder that He had been lonely, broken, hurt and betrayed. I've literally known that symbolization since I was a little kid, but for some reason that night it felt good to know that I am not alone.
So, I'm thankful for the grace and the peace that having a relationship with Jesus Christ offers. It doesn't mean there won't be days that I struggle. It just means that I have someone who understands me and loves me just the way I am. I don't have to be the perfect wife, mom, friend, employer etc...I just need to be me.
3 comments:
They need a like button for blogs!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the reminder. You are a wonderful daughter-in-law and blessed us with two beautiful granddaughters!
this is wonderfully written jenn...i mean it, write a book, call it "thoughts of a mom:raw & real"...and i would be the first in line :) seriously though thank you for sharing, both on the blog & at our fun "girlie" lunch today. so sweet to see just how far we've come with our kiddos, and how as moms we struggle with similar things. you must watch this past weeks message of kenton's, a must for you based on this blog. it really helped me with all of these same struggles, thoughts & emotions, and i feel like i have a whole fresh perspective. love you friend.
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